My father

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I am older than my father lived to be; his death was more than half my life ago. My children, not yet alive while he still breathed, faces without form whilst he had sight, voices still unspoken while he still heard, are older now than I was the day his heart forgot to beat again, the day my heart broke into its new rhythm. Bereaved. Bereaved. Bereft.
And now, it’s Father’s Day once more. I still mourn the cards I no longer send. But the sun that warms my skin, once drew freckles on his arms. The moon that lights my nights with silver, frosted his yester-skies. And my sometimes cloud-swallowed stars are the same that sometimes hid from him. And I see him everywhere. And I hear him every day. And my heart beats with the rhythms he taught me. And I thank God for every heartbeat. For every breath. For every moment. And I know that there is no bereaved in eternity.

Dad smiling

Dad smiling

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15 thoughts on “My father

    • There is never a ‘good’ time to lose a loved one, but the timing of your loss was particularly painful. Although bereavement carves its space in hearts and lives, if you’re blessed enough to have shared love with those you lose, that space isn’t always dark. I remember both of my parents at some point almost every day (mum died in 2005), and the vast majority of the time, it’s their presence in my life that I think of, not the loss.

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    • So true. Both of my parents have now moved into the next part of their journey of faith and, though so painful to have them miss so much of the time we could have had as a family, I thank God that I was blessed to be their daughter.

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  1. Very nicely said. I dedicated my first book to my father, who had jusdt died, and sadly, I’ll now be able to dedicate the second to my mother. The void a parent leaves is unimaginable until it opens up before you.

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  2. Wish I had caught this beautiful, rich tribute sooner, Julia. You soul needed to express all the ways you grieve and remember and cherish him still. I’m happy to see he remains very much part of you. I don’t feel qualified to say more.

    Love,
    me

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much. And you are right, he is still very much part of my life and memory, as is my mum. We can never underestimate the impact our parents have on us, for better or for worse. Quite a legacy and responsibility for those of us who are parents ourselves.

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