My God is in Control

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When I began treatment for an underactive thyroid a couple of years ago, I was relieved – at last the symptoms of the past few years would disappear. Some did go. But last November, after years of refusing to even consider I had CFS/ME, the consultant’s diagnosis meant I couldn’t hide from it any longer. This condition, which has eaten away at my life for more than a decade, has become part of the story of who I am. Over the past few weeks, I have been unable to work. The disappointment of living with this condition can be crushing. But during this time of my physical life being made smaller, when everything I love to do has been curtailed, my life has been enriched. I am learning more about the depths and the mystery of the love and grace and mercy of the God who created the universe, the God I get to call Father. This post tells me I’m not alone …

Hope Whispers

Living with a Chronic Illness means coping with the insecurity of not knowing what the next week will hold. These past months have been a struggle, as I have juggled accepting that I am not in control of my illness, with carrying the weight of expectation upon me that I must somehow find a way to control it. The stakes are high and failure has the potential to move the course of my life in a different direction. You carry fear with you in the back of your mind, fear that you will have to have more time off, fear that one day work will decide it’s time to let me go, fear that ultimately the weight of my successes will be less than my failures.

But the reality is, illness or not, none of us are really in control of our lives. Any control we believe we have is…

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15 thoughts on “My God is in Control

  1. Julia, I didn’t know you had CFS/ME… I struggled with it from the age of 14, and finally got diagnosed at 20. It was so debilitating, so I really understand! I was lucky that at 24, pregnant with my second child the CFS faded (I was told it can go into remission during pregnancy). I’ve been incredibly lucky that it never came back with the same vengeance, that’s not to say it’s gone, it’s an condition you learn to live with and you learn your limitations.
    It does affect my lilfe, along with my anxiety and chronic depression, but you know what you can and can’t do. I have no stamina, but I manage and things are good. I hope you can manage your condition too…
    Like you, it helps greatly to know that God looks after me too. You are truly, not alone xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Lisa. I was devastated to get the diagnosis – my mother suffered with it for the last fifteen years of her life. I’m midst flare up at the moment – worst I’ve been for years. The most frustrating part is that I can’t get much written, but no matter how fast anyone writes, we all do it one word at a time.

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      • Yes, that’s true, and we all have to work with our limitations… I wish so much, that it’s a short flare up for you… Sending much love xxx
        And hope you love the book! My reading is slow too, with lots of caring for parents at the moment x

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  2. Oh, bless you.

    I also struggle with thyroid issues. It’s a never-ending struggle. I feel your pain and discouragement.

    God is in Control. 🙂 It’s a good thing to remember in our lowest moments but even in our high moments too.

    Thanks for sharing this!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have the same condition for which I take a small pill daily. I function well and apart from falling asleep at the most unexpected times and fits of depressions, my life seems to steam along nicely. I am sorry to hear your hypothyroidisms is giving you so much grief. I hope you will get relief from your condition and look forward to your next book.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It seems so many people live life with conditions that make things more difficult. I’m sorry to hear you have thyroid problems, but glad you manage, on the whole. I find that thyroxine helps manage my condition, but the CFS/ME is a different kettle of fish. There are days when my body refused to let me do much at all, and writing is out of the question. I will, however, word by very slow word, get my next book completed. At some point.

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  4. Julia,

    I’ve been away from most online interactions for a time. I came to catch up and see how you’ve been. So sorry to hear of your troubles. I didn’t know. You’re so brave.

    I’m walking through a thyroid diagnosis now and trying to figure out how to manage it all…and realizing how many are walking and talking with hidden illnesses.

    Sending love and prayers for rest and healing, and thanks and hugs for your courage and willingness to share your struggle. It will be an encouragement and help to others. I know it is to me.

    ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Cassandra. Thank you for your encouraging words. I’m sorry about your diagnosis, but trust you will find the best way to manage your condition. There is a lot of information out there, and I’ve found a couple of online forums very informative. The main thing I’m coming to learn is that listening to my body is better than ignoring the warnings it gives me – I’m not brilliant at that yet.

    I’d just about forgotten about this post – my blogging has fallen by the wayside these past few months in a prioritising regime.

    Today, I hope to finish the last chapter of my current novel. It may have taken longer than I hoped, but I believe it’s better for all the pauses and enforced reflection.

    I hope you begin to feel better physically soon, and I know through this time you will discover opportunities to enrich your daily walk of faith.

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